And so it shall be...

I have two beautiful, healthy, adorable children. We are a happy little family and my DH is quite satisfied with what we have. I am too. I know very well how blessed I am for what I have but somewhere tugging at my heart was always a feeling that someone is missing. I really want to add to our family and expected that we would have at least one more.

At the end of March I had my 6 month follow up appointment with the bloodclot doctor. The Dr and I talked about a lot of things. My risk for having more bloodclots, etc... I am at an increased risk than the general population for developing them, especially in the next 2 years but he seemed pretty confident I would be just fine. If I ever have them again I have to be on bloodthinners for the rest of my life He cannot say for sure that being on birth control pills is what caused it, which is frustrating but oh well.

We also talked about the future and situations that put me at higher risk of clotting. The only truly risky situation for me really is any future pregnancy. If I choose to try for another baby I have to contact the thrombosis clinic and go on injectible bloodthinners while ttc, throughout the pg and for at least 6 weeks after delivery. Pregnancy put women's bodies into a hypercoagualted state so it would put me at a greater risk for DVT or PE. My family Dr later said that it would also mean a planned c-section for delivery so they could have more control as I have to be off the bloodthinners prior to delivery and then right back on them post-partum.

Dr. said that if I want more children I should not let this stop me. That it's totally manageable I'd just have to be followed closely through them. I really didn't know what to think. I was stunned and went right to the thought that I guess that means we will have no more babies.

I feel kinda dumb and naive because I totally wasn't expecting this information or any restrictions once my 6 month treatment course was complete. I honestly thought he would just sign off on me and say go live your life you're fine.

DH reacted as I expected he would - by planning to schedule an appointment for a vasectomy. I still don't feel done having babies yet but I am so scared of the risks and the idea of giveing myself a needle everyday for a year or more is not very appealing.

As more than a month's time has ticked by since I got this information I have been letting it rattle around in my head, slowly mulling it over. I think I need to accept that we are done having babies. I just can't take that kind of risk - there are just too many. I cannot take the chance of leaving my DH a widower or my children motherless. Still though, it's hard to accept that we are really done making babies.

So much is new...

I'm not sure where to begin.

DH is home. His transfer got pushed through quickly and he started a new job here closer to home in March. He likes his new job and having him here is a relief for us all.

Kids are growing up fast. DS just turned 4! They are so happy that spring has finally arrived. They love playing outside in the nice warm weather. Easter was a very happy holiday at our house this year. They loved helping bake Easter cookies, spending time with family and searching for the goodies the Bunny left behind.

I am looking for a job. I have been in the application process for a cool job that I have always wanted to do. It's going fast and I am doing well, so far succeeding at all the phases including passing my french language proficiency evaluation with flying colours! I have my panel interview this weekend and should find out by mid-June if I get a job offer. Training starts in September so this would be perfect. If it doesn't work out I will put off applying for jobs until the fall.

I had surgery last Wedsneday to remove my gallbladder. I was surprised by how crummy I felt afterwards. I mean, I guess I knew I wouldn't feel great but I felt awful. It could have also been because everyone in the house had the flu just after I got home. I am sure some of how bad I was feeling was from that...ugh! Anyway, it's now just less than a week after the surgery and I am feeling almost back to normal. Just a little sore at the incisions (I had a laporascopic procedure done). YAY!

There are a lot of things on my mind. I just don't have time to write it all out now, but will come back and blog about that soon.

Hooray for Spring :)