Mahna Mahna...doo dooooo do do do

My sweet daughter just turned 2! She is such a funny little girl. This weekend my husband was watching Muppet show clips with her on You Tube. This is the one she adores. She's been singing this song for 2 days straight. I now know first hand that this catchy little ditty is hard to get out of your head.

She thinks the pink monsters are cows - MOO!

Slowly starting to feel better

I'm starting to feel better these days. I didn't really believe everyone when they told me it would take weeks to recover from all that's happened to my body. I've been home for over 3 weeks now and I'm still not 100% but I'm getting there. :)

I nearly died...seriously!

I've had the scariest and worst week of my life...this may get long...

I went in Monday for an endoscopic procedure to remove a gallstone that we believed was blocking a duct and causing me excruciating pain for nearly 3 weeks. I was nervous but excited about finally getting some relief. I had the procedure done. The meds they gave me to make me sleepy didn't work and I was awake for and saw the whole thing. That sucked, but I had no idea that things were about to get way worse!

The Dr said that everything looked good though and he got the stone out. He was a bit surprised to find that my duct was not blocked by it and my gallbladder, while full of stones, actually looked remarkably good. He noticed fluid in the sac around my right lung when he was in there with the scope so he told me to follow up with my family dr.

In recovery I wasn't doing well. My heart rate was very, very fast and I wasn't getting enough oxygen. After 30 minutes of not improving he thought maybe I had a bad case of pneumonia so he sent me to the ER. They immediately got me an x-ray and a CAT scan and discovered that I did indeed have pneumonia in and fluid around my right lung AND they also found that I had several bloodclots in both my lungs.

I was immediately admitted to ICU and spent 2 days there on oxygen, antibiotics and heparin. I improved enough to be moved to the regular ward where I spent 2 days. After tonnes of bloodwork, another xray and an ultrasound they decided I was stable enough to come home. I've been home for three days now and while I am still in pain from the fluid in and around my lungs it's manageable enough for me to be at home as long as I have help. DH is still here (he hasn't been to work in nearly a month) and MIL has been here since Sunday and will stay as long as we need her. She has been amazing. They said it will take several weeks for the fluid to be resorbed and the clots will take months to be resorbed.

I have already had an appointment with the clinic that will follow very closely with possibly daily bloodwork until they get the dosage of the bloodthinners right for me. Given that right now they can't say for sure that BCP's were the cause I will be on bloodthinners for 6 months and have already had lots of blood drawn so tests can be done to determine if the cause is genetic. If it is I may have to be on bloodthinners the rest of my life.

So, I am tired and sore and scared. But at the same time I feel so blessed that the Drs took the time to really check me out. Otherwise I would have probably just been put on antibiotics for pneumonia and never known about the clots. I would have continued my BCPs, which they think may have been the cause of the clots and had I continued on them I could have had more clots and died.

I have to hold back tears a lot these days and push the thoughts of "what if" out of my head...I know the fear about what could have been it will ease with time. I am just so, so grateful I am still here.

Waiting for Sawyer

I'm getting excited to meet my new nephew. After my baby girl was born SIL was hit pretty hard that we had a girl. They have 3 boys - all of which are in their teens now. She talked a lot about how upset that she never had a daughter so she and BIL started the adoption process to adopt a little girl to make their family complete.

They've been on the list for nearly 2 years waiting to be picked as the parents for a little Inuit girl. Anyway, they finally got the call a week ago that an expectant mom chose them for her little BOY! They are thrilled and are busy getting ready collecting baby items. I think it took them a little by surprise - getting the call and finding out the baby is a boy. They are still on the list for a girl.

Anyway, I gave almost all my baby gear and clothes away already or sold it at the consignment shop so I have been scrounging around looking for anything that might be useful to them that we aren't using anymore. Getting all the stuff cleaned and organized is getting me really excited to meet my new little nephew.

They have decided to call him Sawyer. SIL is going to an u/s today - baby is overdue....I didn't think I would get this excited, but I am. Can't wait to meet baby Sawyer soon

Happy Birthday Mom

I miss you and love you so much every day.
I wish you were here to hug me and support me like I know you would.
I wish you were here to meet and know my wonderful husband.
I wish you were here to hold your beautiful grandchildren and watch them grow.
I wish you were here so my little family could know you and be close to you like I know they would.
I wish you were here and could have been here these last 14 years.
Your love continues to fill me with hope and peace. Your words continue to guide and inspire me.
I miss you so much. I wish you were here. I love you. XOXOXOX

Two years ago...

I said goodbye to my best doggy bud. Missing you so much. I'm missing you a little extra today because it's a crisp, cool fall day that would be perfect for a walk in the woods with you my dear friend.

Sweet Father's Day craft story

This morning we made cards for DH for Father's Day. I traced my little ones hands in their own little cards, wrote Happy Father's Day on them and handed the markers over to the kids.

L made squiggles and scribbles on hers. J asked me to draw a big heart on the back, then he had me draw a little heart inside the big heart. When it was done he announced: Perfect! Daddy's big heart and J's little heart inside.

Awww, so sweet!

Missing my doggies

The summer weather is here at last. My windows are wide open to let in any tiny bit of moving air to be had. I hear more clearly the woofs and yaps of the neighbourhood pooches. It makes me miss my dogs a lot. I miss their wet noses pressing on my cheek at 8am to rouse my out of my slumber and get them some kibble. I miss the cuddles, long walks and their sweet faces.

Today in the news...

more stories that make me sad and enraged at the same time.

I cannot believe what this world is coming to. It seems that whenever I sign on and read up on what's going on in the world I just end up with a lump in my throat and a pit in my stomach that I, as an individual, am so helpless to do anything about it all.

What makes it all so much more distressing is that it seems that not enough is being done to protect our way of life and freedoms from being erroded and degraded. I worry about what the future holds, especially for our children.

All of it just makes me want to vomit.

Well, that was scary!

Thursday night just after DH left to go back to work I was getting dinner ready (BBQ'ing in the backyard) when all of a sudden I got the most excruciating pain in my right side. I could hardly stand, I couldn't catch my breath for a minute and was doubled over in pain. I waited a few minutes to see if it would pass...it didn't. I called DH in a panic. He called him Mom who was teaching a lesson in her piano room downstairs. She came running up, had her student stay with J&L for a few minutes and took me to the hospital. The pain was unreal and the severe pain lasted about an hour. I got seen immediately at emerg. DH arrived within the hour and we were both scared and worried. They did a full work up incl bloodwork, x-rays and a pelvic exam. Lying down helped a lot and while I was there I started feeling better and the pain lessened substantially.

The only thing they could find was that my c.olon was quite full. Turns out I was just having bad c.onstipation pains - how embarassing. The Dr said, better to be embarassed than die from a ruptured appendix, which is what he thought it might be...

I think the new prenatals (cheaper) I bought last week caused it b/c I just started taking them recently...I think they have a lot more iron in them that the other ones I was taking. I stopped taking them Friday and have increasingly been feeling better and better. I still have some cramping but nothing scary now.

Scares like that sure put things in perspective. The whole time I was in the hospital I just wanted to go home and have dinner with my kids and tuck them in their beds. It made me appreciate even more how lucky I am to be healthy.

Farewell Yogi.

My Dad's had a dog named Yogi for nearly 12 years. Shortly after I adopted my pup Murdoch my Dad expressed interest in finding a doggie too. I searched around for a dog for him for a few weeks. I went to the Humaine Society a few times and didn't find anyone suitable. Then one night, while out looking for something for Murdoch at a pet store, I happened to spot the cutest little terrier mix sitting there. This pet store showcases dogs and cats from the Humaine Society, so Yogi, as he had already been named, was a surrrendered dog waiting to be adopted by a new family. I called my Dad and told him I thought I'd found a good match for him. He went down and checked him out and by the end of the week Yogi was part of our family.

Yogi fit in right away. This little pup was already a year old and housetrained. He was instantly a great companion for my Dad. He obviously came from a family that loved him as he was sweetest, most gentle soul, obedient, great with kids and so loving. In those early years I often would stop by my Dad's on my way to the Old Quarry Trail and pick up Yogi to come walk with me and Murdoch. They were such good buds and had so much fun running and playing together.

In recent months Yogi's health has been declining. He was 13 years old and it was really starting to show. Last week my Dad called to say that Yogi's been sick a lot lately and falling down regularly. My Dad was really worried about his sweet dog. As hard as it was, we knew it was time to let him go. I took care of all the arrangements since I knew it would be too hard for my Dad. Yesterday I brought Yogi to the vet for the last time. It was nice to be able to be there with him in a way I wasn't able to be for Murdoch. It was peaceful and I was grateful to have the last quiet moments with him, which seemed fitting since I was the first to meet him and encourage my Dad to adopt him.

Farewell Yogi. You are already dearly missed. We love you. Thank you for being such a great dog. Please say hi to Murdoch for us all. I know you are happy to be reunited with your old pal and that you are playing together again.

My good deeds in honour of Thomas

Three years ago on March 9th a sweet boy named Thomas was born. He is an angel in heaven now. His parents request that in memory of their son's birthday each year everyone go out into the world and perform random acts of kindness to help make the world a better place.

Last year I made a donation in Thomas's name to my local childrens hospital. This year though money is tight, so I chose to donate nearly all of the baby items I am no longer using to a young woman expecting her first baby next week. I found an ad placed by her friend on a local buy/sell board. They were still in need of many items so I gave them everything I could - a big bin full of clothes and blankets, a diaper bag filled with bottles, toys and formula, a complete travel system, bedding, a snuggli, a bouncy seat and more. The friend who placed the ad came by today to pick it all up was speachless when she saw all I had for her to take to her friend. Her partner remarked that this kind of generosity is very rare. They both thanked me. I smiled and thought of Thomas.

Also, during my search for someone in need of baby items I came across a request for cloth diapers. The ad said they were willing to pay for them but couldn't afford to buy new. When I was expecting my first child a dear friend gave me a bin filled with baby clothes and in that bin there were 5 cute cloth diapers in excellent condition. I never even wanted to attempt cloth diapering and several times tried to give them away, but couldn't find any takers. Finally I could pass them on. So, I contacted them and offered the items for free. They were thrilled but I live quite far out of the city and they didn't think they could get to me and it would be just as much trouble for me to go to them. I offered to mail them the diapers at my expense. They seemed surprised by my offer to pay to send them something for free. I suspect they never expected to actually get them. They emailed me to let me know they received them yesterday and that they were so very grateful. Again I smiled and thought of Thomas.

(((((K&S)))))

Well, this is the first and surely not the last

time I will really question a parenting decision that I have made and feel regret for something I cannot change.

Yesterday when I picked J up from nursery school his teacher told me that chicken pox virus was making its way through our school. I commented that I didn't really need to worry too much since both my kids have had the varicella vaccine. The teacher launched into a bit of a rant about how chicken pox isn't something that any child needs to be artificially immunized against, that getting natural immunity from actually catching the virus is better for the children and for the long run since the vaccine wears off leaving unimmunized adults at great risk for shingles, etc... And, she added that even kids who are vaccinated sometimes come down with it when it's going around anyway. She talked about how adamantly she refused it for her own children, age 13 and 11. I was taken aback by her comments and left almost completely speechless. I mumbled something about how what's done is done and I can't change it for J and L now and skulked off with my head hanging in shame.

On the drive home I got so upset and worked up about this. I wished I could go back in time and refuse the chicken pox vaccine so my kids could catch it naturally. I felt like a bad parent and that I made a horrible decision that I cannot undo. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. Did I get duped my $ hungry pharmaceutical companies or did I do the right thing?

I suppose there is no way to ever know what's truly right, but at the moment it feels like I made the wrong choice. The thing is, I really debated not getting it. I spoke at great length with the public health nurse about the pros and cons of this vaccine. I was assured that the chicken pox vaccination is part of the immunization schedule for a good reason. This is what my Dr and the public health nurse recommended based on research. One thing I remember being told was that if all the kids are immunized (as is recommended) then how will they catch the virus naturally. After long and hard deliberation and discussions with DH and other parents I decided to go ahead and agree to have them get the varicella vaccineand at that time I felt good about my choice.

Now I find out that my kids could have easily been exposed to the virus and built a true, natural immunity. Like I told the teacher, I can't do anything about it now. If I could go back *maybe* I might refuse the chicken pox vaccine even though normally I am firmly planted in the pro vaccination camp.

I wish I didn't feel so distressed about the decision I made on this one. I know it's only the beginning of many parenting decisions I will come to question later as the years go by, but it sucks that I feel so crappy about something I thought I'd decided on and felt good about.

Spring?

I am so ready for spring. It's been a long winter here adjusting to life with DH working out of town so much. I imagine that once the weather gets warmer things will be easier for me and my little ones. We're all going a little stir crazy cooped up in the house so much. Taking trips to the mall, grocery store and post office aren't really cutting it anymore for any of us. We can't wait to get out to play in the yard, go walking and to the park.

I know, I know, spring is right around the corner but on days like today it feels like it's such a long way off. I woke up to a freezing cold house. So much so I winced as I reluctantly climbed out of my snuggly bed and felt the shock of the cold air in the room and freezing floor beneath my feet. I thought perhaps the furnace wasn't working, but it was. I turned on the radio just in time to hear that it's minus 23C out without windchill. Brrrr!

Sweet!

I made these sweet little Valentine treats today.
They are so delicious!
















No Fail Sugar Cookies
This recipe is great when using complex cookie cutters. The dough holds its' shape and won't spread during baking.

Make sure you let your oven preheat for at least 1/2 hour before baking.
6 cups flour
3 tsp. baking powder
2 cups butter
2 cups sugar
2 eggs
2 tsp. vanilla extract or desired flavoring
1tsp. salt

Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add eggs and vanilla. Mix well. Mix dry ingredients and add a little at a time to butter mixture. Mix until flour is completely incorporated and the dough comes together.

Chill 1-2 hours (or see hint below) Roll to desired thickness and cut into desired shape. Bake on ungreased baking sheet at 350 degrees for 8-10 minutes (or longer if cookies are thicker) or until just beginning to turn brown around the edges. This recipe can make up to 5 dozen 3" cookies.

(AWESOME) HINT - Rolling out the dough without the mess--rather than waiting for your cookie dough to chill, take the freshly made dough and place a glob between two sheets of parchment paper. Roll it out to the desired thickness and place the dough and paper on a cookie sheet and pop it into the fridge. Continue rolling out your dough between sheets of paper until you have used it all. By the time you are finished, the first batch will be completely chilled and ready to cut. Re-roll leftover dough and repeat the process. An added bonus is that you are not adding any additional flour to your cookies.

Royal Icing
1/4 cup meringue powder (you can find this at bakery supply stores or Michaels)
1/2 tsp cream of tartar
5 1/2 TBSP Water - that will make it really thick so I usually thin it a tiny bit more for the outlining and quite a bit more for the filling in.
1 pound powdered sugar

Place in grease free bowl and beat until stiff peaks form.

These are Jessica's recipes :)

More snow

We've broken a 40 year record for snowfall in the month of December in this area. More than 120cms have fallen! Our snowbanks are huge and I am tired of shovelling already but it sure is pretty.