Well, this is the first and surely not the last

time I will really question a parenting decision that I have made and feel regret for something I cannot change.

Yesterday when I picked J up from nursery school his teacher told me that chicken pox virus was making its way through our school. I commented that I didn't really need to worry too much since both my kids have had the varicella vaccine. The teacher launched into a bit of a rant about how chicken pox isn't something that any child needs to be artificially immunized against, that getting natural immunity from actually catching the virus is better for the children and for the long run since the vaccine wears off leaving unimmunized adults at great risk for shingles, etc... And, she added that even kids who are vaccinated sometimes come down with it when it's going around anyway. She talked about how adamantly she refused it for her own children, age 13 and 11. I was taken aback by her comments and left almost completely speechless. I mumbled something about how what's done is done and I can't change it for J and L now and skulked off with my head hanging in shame.

On the drive home I got so upset and worked up about this. I wished I could go back in time and refuse the chicken pox vaccine so my kids could catch it naturally. I felt like a bad parent and that I made a horrible decision that I cannot undo. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got. Did I get duped my $ hungry pharmaceutical companies or did I do the right thing?

I suppose there is no way to ever know what's truly right, but at the moment it feels like I made the wrong choice. The thing is, I really debated not getting it. I spoke at great length with the public health nurse about the pros and cons of this vaccine. I was assured that the chicken pox vaccination is part of the immunization schedule for a good reason. This is what my Dr and the public health nurse recommended based on research. One thing I remember being told was that if all the kids are immunized (as is recommended) then how will they catch the virus naturally. After long and hard deliberation and discussions with DH and other parents I decided to go ahead and agree to have them get the varicella vaccineand at that time I felt good about my choice.

Now I find out that my kids could have easily been exposed to the virus and built a true, natural immunity. Like I told the teacher, I can't do anything about it now. If I could go back *maybe* I might refuse the chicken pox vaccine even though normally I am firmly planted in the pro vaccination camp.

I wish I didn't feel so distressed about the decision I made on this one. I know it's only the beginning of many parenting decisions I will come to question later as the years go by, but it sucks that I feel so crappy about something I thought I'd decided on and felt good about.