When you least expect it...

I live in a small town where small talk reigns supreme but sometimes the most innocent remark or question can bring someone's world crashing down. This is what happened to the cashier who was ringing in my items yesterday at Walmart.

The interaction I witnessed between the cashier and a pal of hers who was going through another line:

Acquaintance: Hey Ronda! How's it going?

A smiling and relaxed Rhonda replies: Oh, not bad.

Acquaintance: So, any babies yet for you?

Rhonda looked completely crushed her cheeks instanly flushed bright red and obsviously holding back tears she simply shook her head no.

Acquaintance: Oh, Rhonda, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Rhonda: You're not the first....

Silence.

I don't know the details but clearly there has been some trying and loss...

I stood there suddenly wishing I was not buying a little Take Along Thomas set for my little boy and a new bib and spoons for my little girl.

I just wanted to reach out and hug this woman who was clearly going through something really hard and sad. My heart truly went out to her because I felt like I could relate to her situation.

We TTC and lost three pregnancies to miscarriage before being blessed with two healthy pgs from which I gave birth to two beautiful, healthy children. The losses we suffered were awfully hard and so heartbreaking for me and my husband. Many times in those dark days following the devasting m/c's I found myself in Rhonda's shoes with a lump in my thoat and tears welling in my eyes in a public place because a curious and well meaning acqauintance asked the 'wrong' question.

Being in Walmart yesterday and hearing this conversation brought the memories of those sad times and my three tiny angels rushing back in an overwhelming way. I choked back tears for my own losses as well as for the heartbreak of the woman who stood before me.

I wish I could have talked to her, shared my story and listened to hers. I wish I could have offered her some comfort and hope, but was not my place to do that or say anything at all since I did not know her. I truly wanted let her know she is not alone but I didn't know how so I just bit my lip and quietly walked away as soon as my purchased were packed away in the grey bags.

The scenario I saw yesterday did get me thinking a lot about miscarriage - my own and those of so many others. I concluded that one of the hardest thing about this kind of loss is that there is no script for how we should act, react and what, if anything, we should say as a way to offer comfort and sympathy without offending or hurting the grief stricken mother. It's so hard...