A month later...

Things are much better between DH and me. But as for the rest of it...in a lot of ways things are much worse.

We had a home inspection done shortly after my last post. The results of which were heartbreaking, shocking and terrifying. This house is not safe for us to live in. We knew that it needed some work but we never imagined that everything that could be wrong with it is wrong or unsafe. So that made it pretty simple for us to decide that we cannot buy it.We don't have to money to do the necessary repairs, nor do we feel a construction zone for the next few years is a good place for small children.

If you're wondering what could be that bad here's a list of the major deficiencies of this old house:

1. the electrical system needs to be completely replaced.
2. much of the plumbing needs to be replaced.
3. it needs a new roof.
4. beams in the attic are cracked and need replacing.
5. all outdoor structures such as decks and porches needs to be completely replaced.
6. the entire lot needs to be regraded to address moisture problems in the basement.
7. insulation in the attic is vermiculite, which may contain asbestos...it needs to be tested and dealt with if it is.
8.the entire house needs to be reinsulated.
9. need new windows.
10. floors need to be leveled in the whole house and harwoord floors need to be replaced.

And there's way more but these are things that need to be done pretty much right away.

My brother, a certified electrician, came by to have a look. The look on his face said it all. He said some of the stuff FIL did is the worst and most dangerous wiring he's ever seen. He told me that he thinks I should NOT live here with my kids at all.

Ack! We did JUST move here all the way from NS it's not like I can pack up and live somewhere else so he suggested buying smoke detectors for every bedroom and lots for the rest of the house to be sure. So, I'm not sleeping so well these days.

DH talked to his parents and explained that we have to get out ASAP because we don't feel safe and they need to get to work on fixing this place up to sell it. They are pissed at us for having the inspection done. I think they feel we just totally screwed up all their plans for the future -in terms of finances, vacations, how much they would get from the sale of this house (from us or another buyer). They are acting all huffy and deny that there is really that much that needs to be done. Well, that's fine if that's what they want to believe but we believe the inspector's report to be more accurate and we can't buy this house. It totally fucks up our plans too but they don't seem to realize or care about that. It's not a good situation.

We sold our house in Nova Scotia for way less than we could afford to because we thought we could live here at DH's parent's house without having to buy it right away and pay off our debt for the next 3 years while DH lived in Toronto and pays rent, a car lease and gas back and forth from TO to Ottawa. This is the offer his parents made to US! We never asked for this. We had a plan too and I think we are way worse off than them. I just can't believe that don't see how bad this situation is for us too. At least they have somewhere safe to live.

DH and I are kicking ourselves so hard right now. We should have known better than to believe that his parents would could come through for us. We had no idea that they were so freakin cheap that FIL does everything himself to save $$ - and he has no clue what he's doing so he's made the house a veritable death trap - argh!

Moving is so expensive and exhausting. We can't afford to pay for another out of city move out of pocket right now. I don't even know if we could qualify for a mortgage given our current debt load. We're fucked and they don't give a shit about our situation. In fact, MIL keeps commenting on how lucky I am that I will get to live in a new house soon and that I will be so much happier there. I think she believes that this was my secret plan all along - like what I really wanted was to just get here, say the house sucked and get to move again. The last thing I want to do is move again but we can't stay here for 3 years knowing the house could burn down, pipes could burst or structures could fall off the face of the house at any time and God knows what else.

DH's current accommodations, which are fabulous and inexpensive, are not going to be available to him for the whole 3 years. In fact, we think that his landlord is planning to sell his house in the spring. So, DH will be paying even more rent for a less comfy and convenient place.

So, after crunching some numbers it looks like we'll have to stay through to the new year, which is way longer than I want to but I don't think we can do it any sooner. MIL is being weird and sometimes nasty towards me now and I really don't how I am going to tolerate having her stay here with us 3 days a week for the next 6 months or more. I just want to get out of here...at the same time I am pretty sad that we will not be able to settle into the Ottawa region like we had planned - I will be moving with the kids to Toronto to be with DH. We just cannot afford a mortgage, rent and the cost of weekly travel back and forth. I spent the weekend at DH's place with the kids and liked the area and know that while it wasn't what we wanted, we will be fine in Toronto. I just wish we didn't have to go through all this crap between now and then :(