Why'd I do that?

Last week I finally had a 'meet the doctor' appointment with our new family Dr here. MIL set it up for us and I know how lucky we are to get in as this practice is not taking new patients, which is true of all practices around here.

It was a meet the whole family appointment but DH couldn't come so I went alone with the kids. Yeah, I'm NOT doing that again! I thought it would be fine but DS was climbing up and under chairs, playing with the water fountain, running up and down the waiting room shouting: GO FASTER at the top of his lungs, opening 'staff only' doors and charging into restricted areas and I am chasing him while holding DD and trying to fill out 5 sets of forms all asking the same darn questions. Ack! I kept thinking this was a stupid appointment anyway...meet the Dr. >_>

When she finally came into to the tiny exam room, where DS was trying to unplug everything in sight and DD squirmed like mad to get down, I liked her instantly. She is about my age, with kids my age, warm, easy to talk to and very dedicated to preventative care and educating her patients, which is exactly the kind of Dr I like. YAY! I was glad I'd gone at that point. And having a meet and greet to get my history was a nice first appointment to have.

So, as she took down our medical and family histories, she asked a lot of questions of course. The first was how many pgs I'd had. I told her 4. Two miscarriages while TTC#1, one was natural at almost 12w, the other needed a D&C at 11w and two relatively uneventful ones with DS and DD. Even as I was explaining it all to her, while her med student who was sitting in with us gave me this pitiful look when I talked about my losses, I wondered: Why did I do that??? Why didn't I tell her about the chemical pg between my 2 m/cs? I talk about it freely with others. Especially my message board friends. In my heart always think of the three sweet souls I've lost even if one was a little angel I never would have known about if I wasn't TTC and POAS at 13dpo.

You know what's funny (funny strange, not funny funny) I did the same thing when I was admitted to L&D when I gave birth to each of my 2 kids. Perhaps I am afraid to admit losing 3. Maybe it's because my chem pg wasn't like my other two m/cs. That pg was not documented by anyone other than me in FF. I just don't know why I did that. It makes me sad and I feel very guilty for leaving that little out in my fertility history on my medical charts. I wish I knew why I did that.

I'm so sorry...I miss you all my sweet little angels xoxoxo